I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize