In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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