Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
