i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
