I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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