today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
