I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
