Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
