sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
