I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
