So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We're not piercing ourselves today.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
