allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
