life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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