it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
