i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just high enough for therapy.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
