You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
