Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
honey bunches of taint.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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