When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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