Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
