Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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