i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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