he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
