I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
