Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
