Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
