So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
