I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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