Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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