ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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