I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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