just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
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