Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
