I'm jealous of your bromance
i already hear my dad disowning me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
