Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
