Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
