You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize