Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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