fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
