but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
