Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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