I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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