Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
