Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
