you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
