My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
