I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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