Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
