i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
