We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
