We won't sleep together?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
