they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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