Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
