Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
