last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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