I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
