She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
