So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
