I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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