new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
