I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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