Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
