i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
only you would photoshop your dick
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
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