I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
