I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
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I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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