Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
