I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
