you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
