dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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