so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
