We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
